Firsts

Today has me doing a lot of reminiscing. It is the first day of school for most of the kids here in San Antonio and around the country. So many Mommies and Daddies are sending their "little" ones off for their first day of Kindergarten. I remember those days. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that my "babies" were starting their first days in school.

I remember so clearly all those mixed feelings. Pride, in how big they had gotten. Sadness, that they would no longer need me as much. Anticipation, for the new experiences that lay ahead. Hope, that they were ready for the "big, bad world". Such conflict. Such a tangled web of emotions.

Our lives would no longer be our own. We would now be governed by the school calendar. No more sleeping in as long as we want. No more impromptu trips. Routines, schedules, extra curricular activities would now govern our lives.
In the end, as I look back on those days, I've come to realize that all of those feelings, as mixed up as they were, were a good thing! They were all valid. They were a marker of progress and growth.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I miss the smell of a newborn. I miss the quiet, middle of the night nursing. I miss the "Mommy, can I help?" when I'm working in the kitchen. I miss the sleepy faces climbing into my lap first thing in the morning. I miss the feeling of a little body snuggled next to mine during a nap. I miss turning the radio up to an ungodly volume on the way to school while singing the "Cartoon Song". I miss marching band, concert choir, and Tae Kwon Do tournaments.

Today I watched my "baby" climb into his car and drive himself off to his first day of college classes. I didn't feel the sadness or melancholy of that first day of kindergarten. Rather, my heart swelled with pride at this young man that God gave to us nearly 19 years ago. As I looked into his face this morning I was reminded that this is the whole point to life, children and family. To raise a responsible, independent adult who can make his own way in the world. One who can be a light in darkness.

In order for that to happen, you have to get past that first tooth. The first wobbly steps. The first day of kindergarten. The first day of middle school. The first day of high school and... the first day of college.

Life is full of "firsts". I'm looking forward to the next "first".